I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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