my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize