If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
