How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Randomize
