omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I am naked and annoyed.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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