She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
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