I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Randomize