he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
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