I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize