just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
