I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
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