Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
