dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
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