:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Randomize
