I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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