Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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