My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
