oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
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