Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize