How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
We talked him into tasing himself.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
