I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
