You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
