woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Randomize
