To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
