but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
