So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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