I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Randomize
