I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
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