Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Randomize