you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
