I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
