His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
how does that bad decision feel?
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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