I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
