____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
