Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
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