How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
