please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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