this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Randomize
