Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
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