If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
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