Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
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