tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
