just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Randomize
