I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
