why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
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