so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
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