So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Randomize
