I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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