dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Randomize
