I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Randomize
