dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
