It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
