I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize
