The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I can't turn off my feet"
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Randomize
