That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
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