Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
