I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
