I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
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