Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Randomize
