Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize