I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize