Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
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