Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
