I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
i think i just lost a toe
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
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