I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
