I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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