Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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