I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Randomize
