you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
