Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
