I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
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