I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
