You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
