he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Randomize
