Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Randomize