what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
