"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
