Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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