You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Randomize
