Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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